Woven
Where do I begin? It’s been almost two years since my last blog post. I never intended to take this long of a break, but the more time that went by, the harder it got to write. I’ve felt stuck and unclear on how to proceed. Do I pick up where I left off? Do I rebrand and start over? Or do I call it a wrap? I’ve had thoughts that maybe I’m not meant to write anymore. Or maybe I’m all out of words. (I’ll pause here for those who know me to laugh…I’m never short on words…IYKYK)
In all honesty, I think about writing every day, but have felt conflicted about my why. I don’t want to write a book. I have no desire to “build a platform”. I don’t want to speak at a women’s event or conference. So why write a blog? Wouldn’t a journal be cheaper and a lot less effort? As I wrestled with these thoughts over the last two years, I haven’t felt clarity from the Lord. So I’ve waited. Waited for the Lord to give me direction, and help me find my “why”. There’s a lot of “noise” out there in the realm of Christian thoughts, platforms, and media - much of which I have been deeply blessed by. I’ve spent the better part of the last year just reposting all the great content that is out there. I’ve enjoyed the ease and simplicity of posting other people’s thoughts, and I will probably continue to do that. However, a clear nudge from the Lord to write again finally came.
So here I am with a willing heart and fingers that are still able to type - by God’s grace! There were a couple weeks I lost the ability to use my fingers due to an MS (Multiple Sclerosis) exacerbation, but the Lord allowed the function in my hands to return for which I am so grateful. As I’ve sought the Lord for what to write about, versions of the same subject came to mind; trusting God through chronic illness, pain, and suffering. I feel compelled to testify of how God has used my affliction to strip away layers of pride, self-reliance, and affection for this world. I’ve discovered that the veil between the now and not yet is thin, and God has used my suffering to bring me so close to that place of cosmic tension that I can almost taste the hope of heaven. While I fear this theme will become redundant, I also know you can only write what you know, and this is the life experience I have to draw from. I live my life in a very broken vessel and I cannot separate my faith and understanding of who God is from the reality in which I live.
I chose “woven” as the theme of this new blog series because that is what I experience God doing in my life. He has taken His beautiful, powerful, life-giving Word and intricately woven it into every fiber of my being. It’s a change so deep, so organic, it feels like He’s rewriting my DNA and transforming the very nature of who I am . While my future from the world’s perspective may look grim, from God’s perspective it’s the very thing He’s using to prepare me for an eternal weight of glory that is beyond all comparison. There is so much more to life than the here and now. As 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 attests - from heaven’s viewpoint, my current suffering is a light and momentary affliction. I hope you will join me as I share this tapestry that God is weaving in my life and that, in His goodness, God will use my story to help you see your own pain, trials, and triumphs from a new perspective.
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”
